While the rest of the country , okay just the NCAA division 1 schools, are getting caught up in March madness….I’m caught up in a mean case of hell week. I have 2 midterms, a paper, and two early stage deadlines for group projects due within the next week and 2 other papers that are begging for my attention and with fast approaching deadlines. I am sure I can do well with any of these tasks, at least on an individual basis, but I am not sure if I will triumph in the end given the close proximity of all the due dates. Ironically, during my undergrad years I flourished in these types of situation — multiple projects with a singular deadline. However, I find myself now wondering what if….
What if ‘A’s aren’t that easy to achieve, what if they’re too easy to get, what if I finish my degree and I am no better prepared for the world, what if this is the wrong program for me, what if it’s the right program but I am not able to do the work to finish, what if…..
The more I need to be able to focus on the tasks at hand the more I find it difficult to remember the little things … and the more I find my mind wandering to the What Ifs. I am consistently forgetting stuff that I know I know but can’t seem to recall in a timely fashion. Friends have told me about hitting the ‘wall’ during the first year and wanting to leave, but I assumed that it was more about the individual. Unlike undergrad in which we had some choice in the matter….grad programs are all us so if we are not successful with that choice there is a lot to internalize.